all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
