can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
