I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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