I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
