Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
