Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
