Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
