well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
