you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
