I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
