I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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