Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
