You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
