there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
