You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
