I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
