last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
These tits shall not be calmed
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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