Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
