Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
