"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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