Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
