I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
