Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
