Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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