Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
