Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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