sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
