Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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