It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
