What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize