No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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