so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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