Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
