Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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