New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
