know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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