Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
