True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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