I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
