Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
