Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
