I hate all girls vehemently.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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