highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
