I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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