just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
