I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drake has all the answers
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
