if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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