Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
