Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
