stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
