It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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