well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
