One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
