We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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