My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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