So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
