So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
tell me about the fingering
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