I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
