I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
