The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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