i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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