If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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