he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
