my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
