I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
