So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
