remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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