my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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