sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
