I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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